At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
