Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
