My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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