I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
