he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
