hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize