I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
