why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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