I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
