oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
