bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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