1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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