so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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