you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
