I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
