Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize