We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
