I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
