Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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