I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
