I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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