The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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