Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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