if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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