your thong is hanging out like whoa
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
where does the pee come out of this thing
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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