Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
