I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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