Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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