last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
