I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
