Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im six kinds of drunk right now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
