Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
