so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
