You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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