He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
