I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
