I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
