GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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