chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i barfeds in our rink
i just had sex bonerless
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize