I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
