i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
