she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
