How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
