We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
