every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
