mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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