matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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