Do you still have your period?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
