Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
