My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
only if we run a train.
done.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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