You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
