I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
