my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
