Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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