now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
