youre lurking in front of me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize