I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
