I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
