Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
