my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
