Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
