OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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