he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I love how my cats smell like pot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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