brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
