My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
