how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
