My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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