i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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