brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
