I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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