He had one of those small greek statue penises
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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