i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Mom said you looked used
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
