Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I want is dick and wine.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
