Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
