just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
