he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
