I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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