remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
