bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize