meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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