Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
