I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
