Your face is a jimmy john
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
