I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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