So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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