I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize