He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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