I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
as a side note pls kill me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
