sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize