now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
