Christians are straight up FREAKS
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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