I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im six kinds of drunk right now
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh god it's open bar.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
