It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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