Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
